Full Circle Part 4/12: Discomfort-Driven Growth
As a kid you look up to your parents as immortals who are perfect in their day-to-day life. However the truth is that we all mess up. If not for the failures they had when they were young, they wouldn’t be the role models they are today.
Early in college, prone to making mistakes, it’s frustrating not to size up to your idols. But it’s not your fault.
The reality is, our brains aren't fully developed in our college years. We do things that, in retrospect, might not be the wisest choices. You probably resonate with this sentiment.
College is where you discover new ways of seeing and understanding the world. There's no better way to achieve this than by challenging ourselves and developing new mental models for how we approach life. Let's explore this concept through what we call Discomfort-Driven Growth.
At this stage in our lives, our brains are incredibly malleable. This neuroplasticity means we have an unprecedented opportunity to push our boundaries and reshape how we think and act. This is where the concept of the “Comfort Zone” becomes crucial - it's a very real thing and it's restricting your personal growth. What's key is understanding that you can't just move the borders of the box, but kick at them relentlessly until they get out of the way. That previously uncomfortable thing will become more familiar, and the box will move to incorporate it. There is quite literally no growth without discomfort.
This goes far beyond school and work. Let’s say you’re right handed and love to play basketball. What you likely don’t love is driving to the hoop with your left hand - it’s uncomfortable. Deep down, you know that if you were to put in the time working exclusively with your left hand, it would gradually become more and more comfortable. But, you avoid it because it’s hard.
In 1986, Larry Bird scored 47 points against the Portland Trail Blazers. Of his 21 made shots, 10 were made with his left - he’s right hand dominant - and in a press conference told the media he was saving his right hand for the next game against Magic Johnson and the Lakers.
Despite being a freak athlete and talented basketball player, I can guarantee you Larry Bird made the conscious decision to step out of his comfort zone and work on his left hand.
The challenge is that modern life offers countless ways to avoid this discomfort. In Issue #1, we told you that stagnation today guarantees obsolescence tomorrow. There is a cost to being passive! TikTok and Instagram Reels will give you short-term satisfaction, and we’re all guilty of leaning a bit too far into it. This digital comfort zone sells itself as a safe space to turn your brain off, but it’s the opposite. Time spent online is time taken away from doing things that make you interesting.
In order to grow, you must do hard things. And doing these things are scary - it requires you to be uncomfortable. Regardless of success or failure in the hard thing you seek out to do, you will grow from it.
This is where mental models become powerful tools for growth. They're frameworks that help you think differently about challenges and push past your comfort zone. Ranging from religion to stoicism to first principles (we’ll talk about this in a second), these models give us new ways to approach discomfort.
Here are some mental models that can transform how you handle challenges:
First Principles: This model is built around understanding the foundation of something. Question all assumptions or current expectations around it. How can you do it better? Understanding the basic pieces opens up new opportunities.
Circle of Competence: To put it shortly, know what you’re good at and what you’re not. Introduced by investors Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger, it emphasizes capitalizing on your strengths and avoiding the costs of your weaknesses.
Inversion: This model is built around avoiding what you know won’t work. Working towards a goal, think “what would guarantee failure?” It’s easier to avoid mistakes this way as well as spot hidden risks.
Reciprocity: Put out into the world the same you’d like to receive. You’ve probably been hearing this for years, but it’s true. It probably won’t pay off immediately, but operating with this principle will better your mind and your life.
Stoicism: Roman Emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius talks in his diary “Meditations” about how fruitless it is to focus on things that you cannot impact. In his book “The Last Lecture” Randy Pausch conveys a similar message: “We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.”
In college, there are three main areas where you can apply these mental models for personal growth. Here are some specific examples for each category:
Academic Growth
Be active in class regardless of if others are. Think about how lucky you are to be a student. Imagine if you got to be a student your entire life and just sit around and learn about new things you’re interested in. Now consider the fact that you only have 4 years.
Choose the harder class or project. You’re quite literally throwing away money if you don’t make the most of your education.
Attend office hours to build relationships with your professors. You have the privilege to learn from world-class instructors who are also experts in their field of research. I can guarantee you that you have something in common with one of them.
Social Development
Choose to interact with people different from you. You never know what you might learn! I suspect lots.
Join a club that sounds interesting even if none of your friends want to do it. Who cares what they think, if you think it sounds cool.
Volunteer for group project leadership roles. Maybe it’s for you, maybe it’s not - you won’t know until you try!
Personal Development
Start a new hobby you’ve always been curious about. Want to solve a Rubik’s Cube, learn to play the guitar, paint? Don’t think, do it now.
Learn to cook new meals. Food brings people together - enemies would break bread together and attempt to find peace over a meal. Find someone who loves to cook and learn a new skill while getting to know them better.
Make time for yourself. This may be one of the most important ones - we cannot stress it enough. There’s even a later edition dedicated solely to this topic.
This isn’t just theoretical, here’s how we see it:
Jon: The book Why Greatness Cannot Be Planned sold me on the idea that the path to success is not a straight line. It explains that some of the greatest technological developments, like the computer, were impossible to conceive even by the smartest minds of the 19th century. Why? They didn’t know what to look for. Inventions like vacuums and transistors were crucial for the first computer, but were invented without the computer in mind. There’s something to be said for trying just for the sake of trying, and college is the playground to do just that.
Sam: I recently began practicing yoga, which I have quickly learned is hard. I’m focused on my form, my breath, my alignment, all while trying to keep my mind blank. Just this past week, my instructor introduced me to two fundamental Sanskrit concepts: Yamas and Niyamas. Yama encompasses five ethical restraints that guide our interactions with others and the world: non-violence, truthfulness, non-stealing, moderation, and non-greed. Working in tandem, Niyama represents five personal observances that shape our relationship with ourselves: cleanliness, contentment, discipline, self-study, and surrender to a higher power. While yoga can be challenging and uncomfortable, it's exactly that discomfort that drives growth and transformation.
This embrace of life's challenges reminds me of another powerful mental model I use most often day-to-day: Peaks and Valleys. For this one I give credit to my Papa, who sat me down at 15 and taught me a life lesson I carry with myself every day. He drew a little picture of a skier on top of a mountain and told me "You can't have Peaks without Valleys, and you can't have Valleys without Peaks. After every Peak comes a Valley, and after every Valley comes a Peak, and know that every Peak is higher than the last." As someone passionate about personal growth and evolving my mindset, I'm still discovering how all these principles weave together, but I knew I had to share these insights.
We hope if you’re reading this you take it as a sign that you should fail, and success won’t feel as good without it. NYU Professor Scott Galloway said “My advice to every young person watching this program is go out, drink more, and make a series of bad decisions that might pay off.”
Thanks for reading, as always! If you want to see more, links are below.
The Last Lecture [book]
Meditations [book]
DO HARD THINGS [video]
Range [book]
How to Live an Asymmetric Life [video]